Sunday, May 11, 2008


It's a serious topic, one that I've happened across lately with a friend of mine. I thought about my own life, and about what the causes of hurting one self actually is, what psychological relief it provides, and I realized that a lot of us have the same desires to hurt ourselves the same as people who have the need to cut or injure themselves. But I will admit I know very little about it, and so I did some research on the internet, and found this site, which makes it more clear than anything I could ever do:

Because it's not only physical harm that affects the same psychological release. When I was really depressed, I would go out and buy packs of Magic the Gathering cards at the bookstore in Macon near my class. It iddn't matter what it did to my credit card, or to my financial health. I did it anyway... or eating at Applebee's everyday. It didn't matter what it did to my health. Or even worse, when I got really mad or depressed because of an arguement I would have, I would go to bed without brushing my teeth, just because it would hurt me in the long run, but I didn't care.

And think of the people that gamble when they are broke, or drink, or whatever, even though they know of the harm it does, but do it anyway, out of some pent up anger at themselves or someone else. Or eating...yes we eat high sugar/fat foods when we are depressed, but is it more a issue of eating that way because we know that someday it's going to kill us? It's like former Governor Huckabe wrote in his book, Stop Digging your Grave with a Knife and Fork. It's so true, we know we're dying, and yet we do nothing about it. There must be some pent up anger, some need for validation in our lives to keep us striving to live longer. But without that, we simply give up, and we smoke anyway, or eat to clog our arteries. Course that brings up religious questions about what would be considered suicide, but that's another post.

We make our choices, and pray that they won't be bad, or at least not permanent. I know that the people that I know that would hurt themselves, because of one reason or another, are very dear to me, and they can always depend on me to see them through if they ever need my help. All they have to do is call me. And as for myself...well, I'll do my best, but sometimes, hurting yourself is necessary. In the words of Engiwook's wife, the witch from the Neverending Story, "It has to hurt if it's going to heal." Maybe we do need a little pain in our lives in order to gain the strength to get better again. Maybe we have lived in such a world where pain has been taken away by so many things, drugs, the government, our own sedentry lives, that we have to do things that are drastic just to feel anything anymore. It is a question I will revisit, and see if I can figure it our further. In the meantime, I shall pray for the strength to continue, for me, and for my friends.

No comments:

Post a Comment