Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Valentine's thoughts

As much as I am opposed to making a day commercialized for cards, candy, and going out to restaurants, there is a certain need for a day to look at love. And a day coming out of the cold of winter, into the warmth of spring, past the cold, drab days where keeping the chill out of your bones, yes, this is the perfect day for it.

But when the day actually comes, there is a problem. Usually, to experience the wonder of Valentine's Day, one must generally be in a relationship. That is something that I have never had, at least, not one where Eros was involved. I have loved some people deeply, and have been in relationships that have satisfied my need to have made a difference in this life. If I died today, I would be satisfied with the life I have led. However, the need to be with people continues, even if relationships are not present. And it becomes hard to do that now, when the social avenues of school, college...etc.. are over. But that's okay. Because with a few important exceptions, there's nothing I would have done differently in forming the friendships and relationships that I have managed.

I know that know, looking at Valentine's Day and the future, that the rest of my life won't be in solitude. It will take a certain measure of independence, the kind I cannot get right now. As with everything, it will take more money, and an apartment or whatever of my own. I will get there, I know it. And it will be good for me. With independence, I can come and go as I please, use my off time to go to places, do things. It is very hard to do that now. I might even find a place where a good walking track is, and at least keep me from gaining weight. There is a need for balance, intellectually, physically, socially, that I'm just not getting right now.

I guess that Valentine's is a day where, if you're dating, it's great, and if you're not in a relationship, you try to act as if it's just another day. It somehow never works quite that way.

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